Blood's Voice Read online

  “Anya, I lost you once. I don’t want to lose you again, even considering how temporary your time with Declán could be. I know you don’t love me that way anymore, but I don’t want to lose what we do have. Please, just be careful with whatever level of involvement you choose to have with him.” He took my hand again in his and started walking.

  “Nicholas, a mhuirnín, I will not leave you again, ever. Nevertheless, can you honestly want to stay like this with me? Have you not found anyone in the three decades I have been gone? More to the point, when you do finally find someone, one of our kind, won’t they have a bigger issue with our past shared passion than a human could?” I couldn’t bear the thought of not having Nicholas, but this strange desire for Declán was growing stronger.

  “So little you understand,” he murmured cupping my cheek with his hand. “There’s no one else for me; it took losing you for me to see that. I believe you; your heart is immeasurable.” Nicholas gently pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around my form. That strange hunger welled up within me again, why does he do that to me? “But are you sure you want to go through the pain, restraint, and loss that a relationship with Declán will entail? I hate to think of the loss you will suffer when he either dies, or grows older, and wants to move forward in his life . . . something we cannot do.”

  “Honestly, I don’t even know if he will want that with me if . . . when he eventually sees me for what I truly am, I mean. However, I think I do want to explore this with him. It’s terrifying even to contemplate.

  “But no amount of trying to figure out our relationship or decisions on what to do about Declán is going to fix the problem for the girls. The fact is, he’s technically dating Skye but is showing too much interest in me. This is going to cause issues for Skye and Kayla, and could end up with Declán viewed poorly by others. You’ll see what I mean when we pick them up in a bit.”

  “We’ll work something out to protect your human girlfriends, don’t worry. Things will work out.”

  “You are too good to me.”

  “Now, before we get ready for this party, maybe we could go hunting?” Nicholas winked and pulled me off to his favourite hunting grounds.

  Nicholas and I pulled into the school parking lot at the end of the day to pick up the others. We were supposed to hang out before the party some. This should be interesting. After just a few minutes, they all slid into the back, and we were off to Kayla and Declán’s house.

  Skye started in as soon as we were off school property. “So . . . where were you? You disappeared today, so these two said. Oh, hi, Nicholas, glad you made it.”

  “Sorry guys, I had some things to tend so I left during lunch. Were you worried I forgot I was taking you all home?” I teased.

  “No, we knew you wouldn’t do that, but it was a little weird. Your mom’s okay with you running off like that?” Kayla asked.

  “Star isn’t going to be upset, no worries.”

  “My parents would kill us if we ditched out like that. Though, tonight is their other night shift so we don’t really have a curfew, per se,” Kayla continued. At that, all three in the back started laughing.

  “Should we be worried,” Nicholas asked, looking at me inquisitively.

  “Honestly, I have no clue. I think you have to ask the three musketeers in the back. It sounds like they’re up to something . . .”

  Laughter roared from the back seat. “We are not up to anything. We’re just revelling in the delight of no adults, well, that and plotting a bit,” Skye cackled. “And no, Nicholas, you aren’t old enough to count as an adult,” she finished with a smirk. I burst into giggles at the incredulous stare he flashed.

  It was good to see Declán seeming to enjoy himself and not dazed or bemused. He finally didn’t have that strange light in his eyes. I wondered what had changed.

  Once back to Kayla and Declán’s home the girls and we retired to Kayla’s bedroom to play dress up. Seems it’s normal behaviour before a party or date. Declán and Nicholas hung out somewhere else. I idly wondered what Declán thought of Nicholas and of what he would think if he knew what we are. No, not that, he mustn’t know . . . he’d be so afraid and disgusted. Could he understand that we aren’t dangerous to the soft, warm humans? That neither of us saw humans as food? No, we’re here to play dress up and party with our friends, not to become more involved.

  I had dressed properly before Nicholas and I had gone to pick the others up, so it was just a matter of helping them decide. They both fussed with make-up and perfumes as I waited, mostly watching and absorbing as much of this as I could. I was so nervous that could I have been nauseous, I would’ve been. Would the humans notice either of us as something unique, something alien?

  “Anya? Hello?” Kayla said, breaking into my thoughts.

  “Yes, sorry, I was thinking about tonight. I’ve never been to a party, that I can remember anyway.”

  “Oh, didn’t think of that. We’ll look out for ya,” Skye promised, winking at me.

  “Thank you. You two are too kind to me.” I smiled, nervously.

  “Eh, no worries. My only concern is whatever’s going on with you and Declán . . . I don’t mind you two. I mind messing up our cover story.” Skye winked conspiratorially, “Which is something I have a feeling we are going to have to figure out soon.”

  Even once we were all back together downstairs, I was still bizarrely nervous. It was slightly maddening to watch how composed and sure Nicholas was about all of this. Of course, he wasn’t worried about being around Declán; he had no feelings for the beautiful human boy. I seemed to be the only insane one there.

  “Should we come back and pick you up? It is almost six; your parents will be getting up soon for your ‘family time’ dinner, right?” I didn’t want to cause more trouble than my presence seemed to have brought into their lives, already.

  “That’d cool. But, they’ll probably want to meet you when you come back, so be prepared. They won’t be a problem; they just like to meet people we hang out with, especially if we are riding with them. Of course, I’d rather we both had our own wheels but . . .” Declán nudged Kayla.

  Nicholas and I excused ourselves, Skye staying as she was ‘extended’ family.

  “Anya dear, I don’t mean to be impolite, but you need to relax some. You’re around these children every day at school; they won’t notice anything more tonight than usual. The one you need to worry about is your human, Declán. He’s very taken with you.” His face wore the patient sympathy I had become accustomed to from him. “And as we both know, you like him a great deal.”

  “Yes Nicholas, I like him. I do believe we already established that fact,” I muttered sardonically. “That’s not why I’m worried right now, well, not the only reason. I’ve never been to a party of any kind, and I don’t know how they’ll behave. I’m just nervous, it’ll pass.”

  “You’re worried you won’t easily be able to mimic them? Is that all?” That exasperating smirk was sneaking back across his perfect lips.

  “Yes! That’s why I worry. In addition, I have to consider how loud the music will be. If I have to speak up to be heard by their weaker hearing, it will make it more difficult to control the power of my words. And teens are notorious for being weak willed to begin with.” Yes, this would be a true adventure, this party.

  “Ah, I hadn’t thought of that. Just be careful of how you word things and you should be fine. I’ll keep an ear out for the effects and alert you if there’s a concern.” His gentle ways of reassuring always helped me greatly.

  “Thank you, as always you are my comfort and solace.”

  We arrived fashionably late to the party, which suited me fine. We mixed and mingled, danced and chatted, and in the wee hours made our way back to Declán and Kayla’s home.

  Somehow, and I’m still not sure how they managed to orchestrate so well, I found myself again alone with Declán. This time it wasn’t just Kayla, though Skye and Nicholas had all coordinated.

  �
�Anya? Do you mind sitting with me?” Declán asked, sounding unsure of himself. He was normally confidant, save dealing with me.

  “No.” Not enough to refuse, anyway. “Aren’t you tired though? We have all day tomorrow to visit if you’d like.” Humans need rest or their minds and bodies begin to fail. Is whatever he wants to say to me really that important to him?

  He laughed nervously. “Well, maybe a little, but I didn’t get to spend any time with you at the party and, um . . . I wanted to talk to you a little. I’ll sleep soon.”

  “Okay, but you look as if you may fall over, so sit, and we can talk for a few.” Silly human.

  He looked at me again with wonder and curiosity. How I wished I could know what he was thinking. Unexpectedly he reached for my hand and with horror I watched his eyes empty once more, his mind, caught in that same numbing trance. Great, how can I form a relationship with Declán if every time he touches me, this happens? I gently pulled my hand back, but this time his sense of self did not immediately return.

  I tried touching his face again, as I had that day in the park. Even that didn’t awaken him this time. “Declán, come back to me, please,” I begged, hoping that my abilities might be able to break through the spell of this touch.

  He stirred, but this time he seemed to keep his sense of thought. Ponderous. “Anya, why does that happen every time I touch you?” His voice was soft, curious. He showed no fear, just gentle curiosity.

  “I don’t know,” I told him, truthfully. Honesty was the right thing in this case; I hope. “I wish I did”

  “I – I shouldn’t be here. Sorry, I need to go.” I got up and left, rushing out of the house a little too fast. I couldn’t think clearly. Why does this keep happening? Worse, he was aware that his mind phases out when he touches me.

  I drove all night with no destination . . . just going. I cannot be near Declán; he’s determined to have physical contact, which I would enjoy if it weren’t for this bizarre effect I have over him. Well, that and the fact it’s so very dangerous for him as a human to be involved with me. What am I supposed to do? There has to be a way we can interact without his losing himself. There has to be!

  Chapter Five

  As I pulled up to the house, I could feel Nicholas, waiting for me no doubt. I left in such a hurry I didn’t even think about the fact he was still there. Damn. Of course, there he was, sitting at the desk in my room, waiting. At least he didn’t look angry.

  He got up and gently wrapped his arms around me, pulling me down to sit with him on the edge of my bed. “Anya dear, what happened? You practically flew out of the house and drove off. It took me a few minutes to smooth things over with your friends. I couldn’t pull anything from his mind that would explain your leaving that way.”

  “I – I’m sorry Nicholas. He took my hand again after saying he wanted to sit and talk. His eyes became blank and empty again.” I knew he could hear the sadness in my voice; I didn’t even try to disguise it. “When I called him to come back he returned, but this time he asked me something different. You saw how before he seemed to have no memory of anything happening . . . well this time he wanted to know why that happened every time he tries to touch me! He knows something happens even if he doesn’t know what.”

  “Yes, I know. He and I spoke privately after you left. He was rather distressed that you ran out the door like that. He was trying to figure out what he said to upset you so completely. You see, he isn’t upset that it happens, but rather he’s curious as to why. Well, truthfully he’s curious about a great many things in respect to you.”

  “You stayed and spoke to Declán? What did you tell him?” I was so worried that I could feel myself losing control of my voice, but I couldn’t seem to rein it back in, though. “Please!”

  As Nicholas began, I could see the effect of my panicked voice in his features and bearing. “I talked to him about you a little. But yes, you’re right to worry, he is very well aware that you are not normal. However, he hasn’t gotten far into trying to figure out what that difference is. That’s not really what worries me the most though.”

  “What are you most worried about since our being blood drinker’s isn’t the primary?” What could worry him?

  “Well, I believe his feelings go much deeper for you than the curiosity or even attraction. What I can’t figure out is how he could be so absolutely beyond already.”

  I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I tried again though my thoughts were so jumbled it was difficult to find words. “What do you mean deeper and beyond?”

  “I’m not totally sure yet, my dear. But, we’re going to have to find a way for you to be near him or you’re going to have to leave. I fear you will drive him mad otherwise.”

  Mad? “I don’t understand, Nicholas. What do you mean ‘drive him mad?’”

  Nicholas paused, thinking through each word carefully, “Declán’s fascination and infatuation is not likely to diminish, especially if he’s actively around you. And, well, he’s attracted to you physically and emotionally. Do you honestly think the fact that he can’t touch you won’t cause him problems? Then there’s the fact he knows you are not being honest with him . . . He can’t help how he feels about you any more than you seem to be able. I’ve never seen anything like it, well . . . except . . .” he trailed off looking away for a moment.

  “I am so lost here. You are the only person I can talk to about this, but it is not fair to you either as you have already stated that this is hard for you to watch.” Pain, yes, I am so lost and yet here I am causing pain to the one person in this existence that accepts me just as I am and loves me all the more for it.

  “Anya, what is hard to watch is you fearing yourself. To see the doubt and pain this situation is causing you. As to what to do though, I’m not sure how to help.

  “If you choose to move forward with this relationship with Declán, you are going to have to reveal at least some of what you are. I got a good look at him when we spoke after you left and you’re both hurting from this problem. He has a good heart that, if you aren’t careful, will belong to you.”

  “He cannot even hold my hand, how can this do anything but cause pain?” I don’t want to hurt either of them!

  “Maybe there’s a simple solution we aren’t thinking of, yet. Of course, I’m still trying to figure out why he reacted to me the same way.

  “I wonder . . .” He trailed off suddenly with the strangest flash in his eyes. He looked almost obsessed for a moment.

  “No, that would be too dangerous.” He was mumbling to himself now. “But I wonder.”

  Carefully I took Nicholas’s face with both of my hands and turned his face towards mine. “Please, you are beginning to scare me. What is it that has your mind suddenly so entangled?”

  After a moment, reason seemed to descend and blinking hard as if he could wipe the thoughts clear, he spoke, “Anya, I think if you blood link to him, it may allow him not only to touch you but for his mind to reason in your presence. It could be very dangerous–”

  “Blood link? Are you insane? No, he has to stay human,” I nearly shrieked. I jumped up and away from Nicholas and the bed. Mad, yes, Nicholas had gone insane. How could he suggest transferring blood between us? Lunacy!

  “No, no, please listen.” Suddenly he was standing right in front of me, holding my face so I had to look at him. “I don’t mean to make him like us! I would never suggest taking his life and future, forcing our burden on him. I meant take him as one of the precious one, a bonded human. Sometimes the others find it useful to have human workers, but once in a great while they will give a small taste of their blood to the human. It’s usually a pet they’re very fond of, but even so, it might make it where he could be a more active participant in a relationship with you.

  “It does have some side effects, though. You would be able to find him no matter where he was, but he will always crave being near you. I don’t mean every minute of the day but extended time may cause pain. But, lov
e causes that to happen anyway,” he added with a shrug.

  My head was reeling. Could he want that from me? Would he love me or hate me for doing such a thing to him?

  “Even if I chose to do that to him, I couldn’t, not without his permission. You understand that, right?” There was begging in my voice. He had to understand that I couldn’t do that to Declán, but maybe I could do that with him. But, what of the fact that he and Star forbade me to reveal what I am?

  “Of course, you would have to reveal yourself to him as you truly are and let him make the decision himself. That is very dangerous though, as it cannot be undone. He will always feel connected to you and will always be loyal. I think with your voice gift though that you could make it where if he wanted more than what one of us can provide . . . you should be able to allow him the freedom to fulfil his life.”

  I must be as insane as both of them now. How can I actually consider this? “I don’t know about this Nicholas. It sounds dangerous, for him. At some point, it’s likely to be too much for him to give up. I will never age; eventually I’ll look like a child to him. He may want a family, which I cannot give him.”

  “I didn’t say it was without consequences, but you used to tell me that with love all things are possible. It’s your decision, of course, I’m just trying to help you to be happy. It pains me to see you suffer.” His sincerity and compassion were awe-inspiring. How did I ever manage to find such a wonderful friend and – if I was being honest – lover as Nicholas?

  I spent the rest of the morning curled up in Nicholas’s arms. More than once, I caught myself nuzzled into his neck while he would caress my face or rock me like a child. I felt so safe and content with him. The fears didn’t seem so insurmountable from there. I knew I still had a struggle in front of me, but I no longer felt so alone.

  That afternoon I heard Star return home, she had been gone for the last night or two, as was normal for her. Nicholas heard her too and sat up, releasing me. “I should probably go for now.” He dropped his voice and sped up so that only I could understand him, “Please keep the last part of our talk private. Trust me on this.” With that, he kissed my cheek and went out the window.