Blood's Voice Read online

  Just a few moments later Star was at my door, knocking.

  “Come in, Star.”

  “I’m home, in case you didn’t notice.” She was smirking. “You know, he really could use the door, he is welcome here.”

  “Oh, he knows. However, I think he likes the effect of going out my third story window. So . . . did you have fun?”

  Grinning wickedly, she replied, “Oh always! How did the party go? Did you and Nicholas have fun?” Her eyes were probing as she watched and waited.

  “The party went well. We all seemed to enjoy it. The humans were so much fun to watch, truly intriguing. I’m supposed to go back to hang out with Skye, Kayla, and Declán in just a bit. You don’t mind do you?”

  “Of course not, go have fun with your friends. I have some work to do, and then I might go out again for a while.” She was forever going out. I had no clue where she went most of the time. She said her lifestyle was not compatible with mine. It made me feel guilty sometimes to think that she had to change her life to accommodate mine, but she insisted that she didn’t want me to leave just so her life could go back the way it was.

  Weeks passed with the never–ending attraction getting stronger all the time. The craving for Nicholas became stronger with each passing day as did the desire and longing for Declán. I didn’t know how to deal with either desire. Nicholas didn’t make it easy either. He stopped by regularly and as a form of habit wrapped his strong arms around me as we cuddled and talked. I had trouble coming to terms with how much I craved either of them. How could I feel love and desire for them both and would it be wrong to let myself just give in to what I feel for them . . .

  Three weeks later Declán called just before I was supposed to stop by to ask me out. It seemed that he had been stressing about how to ask me out. Now, instead of going over to hang out with the others, I was supposed to be going over to pick him up and go to a movie. He had offered to drive, but human reflexes worried me. I would be distracted the entire time he drove – which I imagine would not do well for his ego. Besides, then he wouldn’t have to deal with his da worrying the whole time about his car. His father always was tinkering and babying his car, it was somewhat amusing.

  So now, I was dressed to go out and nervous again. At some point, I would have to stop this. Nerves weren’t helpful nor were they enjoyable. I pulled up outside his home wondering if I should wait there or go get him from the house. Just then he came out the front door, seems I got my answer. I smiled and waved as he hurried to the car and slid inside.

  “You really don’t have to drive you know. I’m the one that asked you out, I should be the driving.” He was smiling shyly as he spoke.

  “How about you drive next time?” I winked as I pulled away from his home. “So, where are we going? You said movie, but as you are officially dating Skye, I’m assuming we aren’t staying in town.”

  “You’re right. We have to be thoughtful of the girls.” His compassion and concern for both of them was truly endearing. “We’re going about an hour out of town. That doesn’t guarantee no one will notice us, but Kayla and Skye are okay with this so . . .” He looked so nervous, it was comical to watch.

  “So, you got permission to go out with me tonight from your sister and your ‘girlfriend’? That is too cute.”

  “Not to ruin the fun early but do you know where we’re going?” All he was missing was the silly little halo with that adorable angel-face he was making.

  “No, not exactly, but I assume you’d tell me if I was going the wrong way. A destination would be nice though.”

  We kept up the playful banter until the movie started. Amazingly, he kept his hands to himself the entire time; though I was certain it was only by sheer determination on his part. I caught his hand shifting towards mine more than once.

  After we pulled up to his house later, he got out of the car and came around to get my door for me. “Would you like to walk?”

  “Sure.” I extended my hand wondering, foolishly, if he would actually take it. “I enjoy spending time with you.”

  His face lit up a little as he slid his hand into mine. “Interesting. It seems fine if it’s your idea. You still haven’t told me what happened the other times, when I was the one to reach out.”

  “Yeah, well, about that.” I thought about my talk with Nicholas again and cautiously began. “I’m not sure why you seem to have trouble when you instigate the contact. I wish I did.”

  “You have no ideas even?” he asked.

  “No.” I did not want to continue this topic. He was too curious, and I realized that I was not ready for the ‘talk.’

  “You’re not telling me something.” Not a question, a statement.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

  He continued to wait as if he expected me to continue.

  “I cannot tell you what I don’t know. I don’t know why you react that way. Maybe you are allergic to me.” I giggled in spite of the tension between us.

  “Right, sure I am.” Again, he waited for me to speak, folding his arms across his enticing chest.

  Secrets are so infuriating! “Well, since you don’t like my answers, do you have any thoughts?” Make him have to reason out the problem. Not that being untouchable is part of any myths associated with vampires, but still.

  He was quiet for a few minutes, deep in deliberation it seemed. Finally, he composed his thoughts. “You aren’t like others. Well, except your friend Nicholas that is. I couldn’t touch him without the same thing happening, so whatever it is about you that is other, is the same with him.”

  Interesting, he was right about Nicholas and yet the logic of was so far off.

  Declán continued, unaware of my understanding, “You know why this happens but for some reason you aren’t willing to tell me. Anya, I know you’re something different. I may not know what yet but I am not interested in being protected from whatever it is. I want honesty from you, how else can this work?”

  Sighing, I struggled to find a way out of this. “Look, I honestly don’t know why you react the way you do. There are things that I cannot tell you but this isn’t one of them. I cannot tell you what I do not know.

  “This is hard for me too, you know. I don’t have the luxury of memories or of family, to help fill in the holes in my knowledge.”

  “What about Star and Nicholas? Can’t they tell you about your past?” Curiosity lit his face again.

  “Star took me in, but she did not know me before, so she cannot help me fill in the missing time. Nicholas knew me, but he says I was missing for a long time before Star found me, so he has no idea what happened to me either.

  “We have talked some about ‘before’ but he says I’ve changed a lot from when he knew me. Sadly, that means there are many things I don’t know and have absolutely no way of learning. He finds it to be infuriating too.”

  “So you really have no memories? I mean, sure you’re a little odd acting at times, but to have to learn everything all over again, that would drive me crazy.” Good, a different topic.

  “Actually, I find it to be most fascinating. I cannot miss the life I had before, as I don’t remember it.” I would have to return him to his home very soon, so he shouldn’t have a chance to steer the conversation back to dangerous topics again. Good.

  “And your family, what of them?” Gentle curiosity again. He was worried about upsetting me, how sweet.

  “That’s simple enough, I know nothing about them.”

  “Really?” He was nearly whispering again. “I’m sorry.”

  “No need to be. I cannot miss them . . . I never knew them. Star is wonderful to me, and of course, I have Nicholas and his parents.

  “Unlike you, who needs to get home before his parents string him up for breaking curfew. Sometime you will have to explain how you have a strict curfew five-nights a week, but the other two have no parental supervision.” His parents were eccentric people with their rules.

  “True. They won�
��t be happy with me. And yes, I will explain it, later.”

  We walked back to the house, still holding hands. Gently I caressed his face with my free hand and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Good night, Declán. Sweet dreams.”

  I didn’t watch him this time as I drove away. The craving for more was getting too strong to allow myself that. Attraction was so complicated.

  While reading in my room later that night, I heard Nicholas outside. “Come on in, Nicholas. My door is always open to you . . . as is my window.” He was so silly. Seems boys will be boys no matter how old they become.

  “I wanted to stop by and see how the date went.” Did he really have to smirk like that?

  “It went fine, Nicholas. We went to a movie and then walked in the park near his home. Nothing earth shattering.” Of course, that’s only because I was determined not to let certain topics continue.

  “You’re still afraid to tell him aren’t you?” The smirk was gone now, compassion taking its place.

  “Yes. I’m worried about how he will react and then there’s the issue of how. We don’t follow common myths of this age, so how can I show him without having to terrify him.

  “He knows there’s something though . . . about both of us. He’s decided that whatever it is, that we are both the same thing. He wants me to be honest with him but . . .”

  “Anya, love, you have to make a choice. You either expose what we are to him – and hope that I’m right about his ability to love you – or you have to stop this, now. You can’t have it both ways.”

  “Nicholas, I have to think of how to tell him. I know I have to.” The thought of his terror and loathing was excruciating. “And, of course, there’s the issue that exposing me will expose you as well. Are you really willing to break your own rules?”

  “Well, it’s not exactly my rule but rather a standard immortals code. We are known to break it from time to time. How else would the others have pets? But I’ll risk it for your sake.”

  Surprised I continued, “Really? Are you sure?”

  Always so patient, “I’m sure, love. Now, what else worries you?”

  “I’m also concerned about others of our kind. What if someone decides he looked, I don’t know, appetizing? Will telling him and bringing him closer to our world put him in danger from more than just me?”

  Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he countered my fretting. “Take a moment to calm down, love. He’s in no more danger from me than from you. Actually, he’s in less danger from me. As to the others . . . once you stop fretting and bind, few, if any, would dare touch him. Not with as powerful as you are. Fear of your revenge alone would stop most.

  “And there is one other thing I don’t think you have thought of, Anya. I told you, you’d be able to find him no matter where he is . . . due to our blood bond, I believe I will too. No matter how insane I think this is, I would never allow him to be harmed. I could never do that to you.”

  “Are you sure about the protection, Nicholas? You only mentioned the fact it should allow us a more even footing for a relationship – like the ability for him to do something as simple as hold my hand without worry.” I could feel myself trembling at the thought, not out of fear, but excitement. Could I really be allowed such fortune as this?

  “Yes, you just have to find the courage to tell him. I would offer to help, but somehow I think I’d only serve to scare him.” He began kissing gently down my throat; his cool breath caressing, causing my skin to tingle. “Honestly, I’m more worried about your trying to explain our relationship than of you revealing yourself to him.”

  “Ah . . . Are you thirsty or making a point, dear?” I whispered.

  “Maybe a bit of both,” he laughed. “But mainly I’m trying to make a point. From what I’ve witnessed, and heard, from him, I am certain he can accept your dietary issues, what I’m uncertain of is his ability to share. But, it will work out, don’t worry.”

  Do not worry? Is he serious? “Nicholas, you’re insane if you think won’t worry.”

  As Nicholas and I cuddled together, I struggled to quiet my mind. He was suggesting I go ahead with my desire to have a real relationship with my human friend, Declán. I didn’t even know what a human couple was like. I mean, sure, I had seen the teens at school walking hand in hand, or even kissing, but I knew nothing of such things. Could I even do something as ‘normal’ as kiss him without potentially killing him?

  Nicholas seemed to understand my fears. I wondered idly if he was listening to my mind, as he did so often to the humans, or was he just that understanding . . .

  “You really should learn to relax you know. You’re going to go prematurely grey.” He was laughing before he could finish the sentence.

  “Gray you say?” I sigh. “We can never be that.

  “We are beautiful and seductive but incomplete, me even more so. Yet you sit here smiling expecting me to know what is right and wrong . . . to understand mortal cravings and passions when I have no basis of comparison and no knowledge . . .” I was starting to rage. I knew better than to let this happen, it would terrify Nicholas expressing my fears this way. I just couldn’t seem to stop now that the floodgates were open.

  “Love, you know more that you think you do. Your memory may be gone, but your instincts seem fully intact. You’ve had no trouble with our intimacy, so why do you worry so about it with him?” He was always so gentle and understanding when I was like that. How does he do it? I can see the fear in his eyes but his words . . . Amazing.

  “Nicholas, I did have trouble right at first, and I still have confusion over how I feel and crave you as well. In addition, his scent makes me want him when he gets too close. As I tried to explain before, the perfume of his skin, of his essence, warm and blazing, makes me want to touch, to taste. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m afraid that’s exactly what will happen. And, I literally have no idea what I can and can’t do with him without risking his life.”

  “Your rants would be cute, if your voice wasn’t so frightening, you know.”

  At that, I was ashamed. I worked extra hard to compose my voice. He shouldn’t suffer because of my fears.

  “Anya, you can do with him anything a human can. Or are you worried about biting him?”

  “All of the above!” I grumped, throwing my hands up. Why was that so hard to understand?

  “We can bite without killing, so even if you did break his skin it would be fine, as long as you were careful. Not to mention, you only have the most subtle extension of your canine teeth – except when hunting, you should be able to restrain – it’s not enough for the humans you’re around all the time to even notice. Besides, it’s easy to control, and our blood can repair their wounds . . . though it can be dangerous. Anytime that’s done you risk exposure, among other things. There’s more risk from your strength than your teeth.”

  “Really? Neither you nor Star has ever mentioned this before.”

  “You break his skin, a drop of your blood will heal the wound, you crush him, and that’s a very different issue. I have faith in your control though.”

  “Knowing that I have no experience, Nicholas, would you say the same if he was your human?” I asked. He couldn’t have the same level of concern; he didn’t love Declán. Love?

  He was sombre as he spoke. “I’ve never been involved with one of them like this, but yes, I would say the same. Don’t forget that you are a part of me, and what hurts you, pains me as well. I don’t want him harmed; I can’t bear the thought of you carrying that burden.”

  Gently caressing his face, I murmured, “I believe you. I know you wouldn’t lead me wrong. I worry about him, but I do not doubt you.”

  Smiling at me wryly, he teased. “Everything physical comes easy for us, your human instincts will kick in when you’re ready. Just remember, they exhaust easily and need sleep and food regularly.”

  I wanted to wipe that arrogant look off his face so badly, ugh! “Smug little brat!”

  “Yeah, but
you wouldn’t have me any other way. Now, tell me something . . . when you bind him, are you going to mark him?”

  I couldn’t decide if I was more confused, or repulsed, at the idea. “Mark him? What are you talking about Nicholas?”

  “Well, people, both humans and immortals, often give each other a token to mark friendship or love. I was just wondering if you were going to do that, for him, that’s all.”

  “A token? Like the rings and necklaces I see the kids give each other” . . . interesting idea. I could do that, but what to give him?

  The next day I decided that I would work on this honesty issue with Declán. I was supposed to pick him up again at seven. This time, when I arrived I got out and went to the door.

  “Hi, Anya. Where’re we going?” He was smiling contentedly.

  “Hey. Are you okay with coming back to my place? I wanted to talk to you, privately.” I tried to make sure my voice stayed light, so he didn’t worry that I was angry.

  “Um,” he swallowed hard, “no, that would be fine.”

  Laughing gently, I said, “You look worried. Nothing bad will happen to you there. If you stay long enough, you might even get to meet Star.” At least he’d be completely safe from her.

  Declán again walked me to my side of the car and opened the door. How sweet.

  We drove to my house, which didn’t take long, thankfully. I was getting edgy about trying to tell him the truth.

  “Come on upstairs, please.” I extended my hand to him, hoping he would be okay again.

  He wrapped his warm, rough hand in mine with a little smile on his lips. “It’s nice to be able to do that; just wish I could do that when I choose.”